There Are Four Types Of Men

There Are Four Types Of Men

There are four types of men.


Ding Dongs
Men who don’t wear a watch, they always say “I just check my cell phone for the time”. I do not want to waste another sentence on such men so we will not discuss them further.

The Unromantic

Then there is the one quartz watch man. Usually a Timex, Casio, or some fashion brand like Kenneth Cole or Nautica. (editor: Clothing brands are better off staying in what they do best, exploiting the world’s poor and working children to the bone. It seems they’re good at accomplishing this task in an efficient manner.) The man of one quartz watch does not see the practically in owning many watches or even one that could stop if you don’t have it on. He usually wears pleated pants and will mostly be wearing a cell phone on his belt. In keeping with his battery operated life, the man of one quartz watch does not appreciate the offensiveness of only having one cold electronic watch with a voltages heart. A watch that doesn’t need him to keep going, what a jerk.

The Undeserving
He usually has a good watch. Most likely a Rolex, maybe an Omega or Breitling, maybe even an IWC, usually an automatic at least. He got it at graduation or his ten years at the firm. Some small token of unnecessary reward for doing something that was required of him anyway. In some cases (for men who don’t have any one or any company that loves them very much) we might even find that he’ll buy it for himself. I find that to be a bit more admirable. I made my money and I can afford to waste $3000 on a watch is a nice self affirming gesture. A Napoleon grabbing the crown from the pope kind of moment, he only answers to himself.

The Grail Seeker
The Last Crusade was a great Indiana Jones movie, the best one from the series. Sean Connery fighting Nazis, blimps, and crusaders, all movies should be this well conceived and smartly paced. Like the obsessed Nazis who chased around from forests to deserts, the grail seekers won’t stop hitting refresh on the classified sections of watch forums or ebay category 31387 (Wristwatches). They’re not happy with the moderately impressive collection they already have. A collection that could have bailed out Bear Sterns. This type of obsessive personality is not unique to the watchaholic world. We often see it in workaholics, in alcoholics, in would be presidential assassins. The not quite so well adjusted with razor sharp focus; the voracious unquenchable collector. We have to admire this guy, that is some mission centric attitude and if you’re going to do something, do it well I always say.

The tragedy for the Grail Seeker is that it’s never just one drink, one watch. Sadly, he knows that but he thinks the next fix, the next watch will the master stroke of completing his collection and finishing his consuming obsession. Give it a few weeks and he’ll be eyeing which piece to sell off to acquire the next piece, and the next.

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